How to stay positive, when the chips are down

IVF is not for the weak. It demands grit, resilience, and a belief system that can withstand the toughest emotional storms. Setbacks come in all shapes and sizes — and with them, feelings of disappointment, frustration, envy, and at times, hopelessness.

When your confidence takes a hit and hope feels low, these tools will help you reset, refocus, and keep going with reclaimed strength.

1. Fuel yourself with success stories
Seek out stories of people who’ve faced challenges and come out stronger. Let their wins inspire you, boost your confidence, and fuel your own determination to keep going.There are plenty of them. Focus on the successes, rather than your fear of failure. Their journeys remind you that setbacks are normal and success is possible.

2. Do more of what lights you up
Whether it’s gardening, painting, dancing, riding your bike, singing loudly, or losing yourself in a good comedy — follow what brings you joy and it will do wonders for your nervous system.

Your energy, your frequency, your inner vitality - it all counts. Your future baby needs a body that feels alive, not just functioning. Joy isn’t a luxury - it’s fuel. This process can’t be allowed to steal your spark. So see to your soul.. It’s just as important in this process, as everything else.

3. Avoid “All or Nothing” thinking
A disappointing egg retrieval or failed transfer doesn’t mean it will never happen. Even if it happens more than once. Not pregnant this time does not equal, forever. Instead of fixating on the outcome of one round, shift your focus to the bigger picture. This is a process, not a verdict. You're still in motion. Things can change.

It’s easy to slip into black-and-white thinking when emotions are high -  to see a negative result as the end of the road. But the IVF road is rarely linear. Many women experience one or more unsuccessful cycles, only to have success later. It's not static - things shift. Your body changes. Timing aligns.

4. Protect your peace, and your progress
Mute online accounts that trigger worry or pressure. Being informed is helpful, but too much leads to overwhelm. You don’t need more information, you need better filters.

Protect yourself around friends that may be triggering to you. Prioritise your energy and your thoughts. If they are not serving you at the moment, because they remind you of your struggles - remove the problem.

5. Revisit your why?
Take a moment to write down why you started this journey. Keep those reasons close—on your phone, a sticky note, or in a journal. When things get tough, return to that list.

Let the reasons behind your goals remind you why you’re here. It’s the best way to stay grounded, motivated, and positive through any challenge.

6. Lean Into your squad
You likely have a friend or family member you feel safe opening up to. Lean on them. Let them in. Be clear and tell them what you need. Let them know you are out of steam and you need some encouragement, a cheerleader and someone to help you get back on the horse. 

You also have IVF community spaces full of women who get it. No need to explain. No judgment. Just shared experience and support when you need it most.

And don’t underestimate the value of working with a Coach - someone who understands the emotional rollercoaster, the process, and the pressure. A Coach helps you to feel prepared, confident, more supported, in control, and helps you work through tough decisions.

7. Fill up your cup of hope 
Have something in your daily space that reminds you why you’re doing this - something that brings hope back into reach when things feel heavy. It could be a photo, a picture from a magazine, a quote, a bracelet, or a small object that carries meaning for you.

You might also have a mantra, say daily affirmations or even a short prayer each morning - whatever helps you feel connected to the possibility ahead. If this is new to you, give it a go.. You have nothing to lose. These visual cues symbols and rituals don’t just sit there; they do a job. They ground you, refocus you, and help build a belief system that can hold you through uncertainty.

This is about keeping hope alive in small but powerful ways - ones you can see, touch, and return to at any time.

Remember:
You are navigating something incredibly brave. Staying positive isn’t about constant happiness - it’s about returning to hope, again and again.

Don’t stop believing. Let hope and possibility lead the way.